Monday, January 31, 2011

I did it...

I wrote him a letter along with the expenses. Mr. B always seems more receptive to my letters. I guess because it's a great way for me to get out everything without being emotional and he can read it on his own and let it simmer before discussing it.

So as I was going to take a shower I said "this is for you" and he said "oh lawd"....but in it I said take time and consider it please.

So that was that.

Last night he asked if we had any medical bills for Ava or myself and I said nope except for the pediatrician since that is tricky with the insurance messing up but it should be fixed and he was like oooh ok. So to me that made me think he was thinking about the numbers and just didn't want any expenses unplanned that could alter things...but then again maybe not.

Then I think he said something about Ava and school tomorrow and he said yah you get to go to school and it will help you get in routine for real school one day....wtf....dude a 3 month old knows nothing of school like a 5 year old haha

So who knows. I think he's wishy washy. And in the letter I said how don't be fooled that the past two days have been decent because I've been able to be with Ava.

So of course this morning I cried and then he put her in the car and went to give me a kiss and a hug and I burst into tears so I think he realized oh crap she's not over it.

He was talking to his BFF last night and his BFF said he wants to try for number 3 by the end of this year. They have a 5 and 4 year old. How much do you want to bet that Mr. B makes a comment later this year on how cool it would be for us to be pregnant at the same time...I can see it now. Oh and in the letter I put how I was confused by his 2nd kid thing.

I have all the paperwork in for refinancing and we're locked in at 4.75%. Soooo happy about that. That's better than the last time we tried which I think was 4.85 and we're currently at 6.5. So almost 2%.

We'll just have to set up the appraisal and hope to goodness that goes well!

Friday, January 28, 2011

Ok

So here we go...

Yes some of this has to do with Ava and pictures but most of it was because when I applied for that promotion they went rooting and searched for me online and it came up because part of my name in the address ugh...and they read until they found something about work even though it wasn't bad and then grilled me on it.

Then she changed her tune when if I had to guess HR got a hold of it and saw how I said I hope I get an interview being that I'm on leave and won't be back until my current boss is about to switch over and was worried there wouldn't be enough time for training...so when she called to say I didn't get it with a bajillion stupid reasons she then started talking about how they were going to be very open and willing to change interview processes and training being it was under FMLA mmmhmmm yah you were afraid I'd sue your ass.

And that's fine if you want to check your employee's stuff then do it for everyone...so what while I'm a coordinator I'm not that important and shouldn't act appropriate but once I move one measly step up you're not worried? You should be very worried about many of your employee's and what they say and do that reflect very badly on your company.

And after all the pushing I did when we were trying to get the FCC to see that their rates aren't fair (and I still think that) but I bet you were ok with me blogging that trying to get comments on why it should be higher huh...whatever

It made it that much more worse to come back to this place on top of the emotional roller coaster I've been on leaving Ava.

This was my first week back and I'm miserable, heart broken, distraught....need any more adjectives???

My nose is raw and sore and I have sinus pressure and my eyes look like Oprah's y'all.

I don't want to hear it will get better because I know in my heart it won't. Some women love the freedom and Independence they gain from going back to work and well some they just HAVE to but I don't. I have run the numbers so many times and today with a clear head realized I was off by about 150 and so that's money saved plus I always gave what Mr. B would make if it was the bare minimum and after looking at his pay for last year it would be about an additional 1000 come on....that's after all expenses are paid and I'm talking gas for my car even and his monthly membership to a football site. We'd have about 2k for whatever and savings. and yes some months maybe smaller but that's plenty.

So we'll be discussing this again.

Then last night I was playing with Ava and telling him how a mom at the daycare is pregnant again and her son will only be 13 months when the other is born and he was like "whoa that's close" and I said yes it is.

Then he goes "what age do you think is good for a 2nd child"...I was like eh 2-2.5 years is ideal...not much older than that.

Then he was asking what our friends daughters age was because that would be good and I said she's 4 that's too much haha and he's like "it would be nice if Ava would be out of diapers" and I said well that's 3 so that's a little too much.

WTF Mr. B where did this come from????

He took forever to decide on one and always said we can't "afford" a 2nd...umm ok and when we were having it out about being a SAHM he said "and if you ever want number 2 you have to work" and I said that if it meant I could stay at home with Ava then I would be ok with just her.

Keep in mind folks I would do playdates and the library does readings and what not...she would definitely not be locked in her room and we'd go on walks almost daily and she'd get so much more including me teaching her some sign.

So I just don't get the thing about 2nd child...I don't know what's going on in his mind. Maybe he's just having a lot of emotions and can't process them. I know with our refinance coming up he's realizing I can stay home because he keeps making hints about how he feels like he's having a heart attack or he got mad at his job...I think he's doing that to make me think oh I better work. (He really wasn't even close to having a heart attack by the way)

And I will go back to work once Ava is in pre-school probably part time and then I'll go full time when she does or if my Etsy business picks up and does well I'll do that.

I'm still holding out.
It's frustrating that I haven't even gotten a message inquiring but I need to be patient.

And even if Mr. B agreed I made the deal that I'd work and pay off a loan we have...well we'd use some tax return money but I would take my entire check to pay it off so that's about middle of March which is an eternity but would be doable if I knew that I only had what 5-6 weeks of this.

And I like the daycare as much as I can like a daycare. I know they love her since she's the only little girl and they are very concerned about her but there are 5 babies and sometimes there are 2 ladies in there but still...her hair has started going bald in the back after 3 days in daycare....and I know it's not from home since she sleeps on her sides its from her being in a swing all day and I cried about that because it was such cute hair...le sigh

Anyways tax return is done except waiting for one small thing that won't affect the payout and we're getting a total of 5500 back yeeeeesir...plus we have overage on our escrow that we'll be getting back too. I did promise him he could get a riding lawn mower and I'm sticking to that (and that's another thing I'll sell that I can at least try and do some yard work while Ava sleeps just would have to be in the back and on the side that isn't by her window and I can even finish when he gets home so he can spend time with her). And we'll put some of that towards the loan and still have a good amount for savings.

I'll save tons on gas, and from my lunches because I told him if I'm working I'm eating out everyday. So we'll see

Monday, January 24, 2011

Going Private

Hey all,

I'm going private because I'll be updating more of Ava's photos and I don't want any creepers out there checking her out since it's fairly easy to find.

email me at coledecker at hotmail dot com and let me know who you are on the interwebs thanks!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Aching

My heart is so heavy....that's all

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Introducing...

A La Rue Designs

My new Etsy business!!!!!
http://www.etsy.com/shop/ALaRueDesigns

I'll be selling tutu's, wall letters, bow holders, cap holders for the boys, and I think eventually tooth fairy pillows and cute birthday hats etc.

I have made two tutu's so far and will be making at least one more this week...they take time though so I have to work it in between Ava needing me which is all the time haha

I started working on her bow holder today and have some wall letters (doing some initials) on Monday. So I'm hoping with getting a few more things on there that I'll get a sale.

I could use the extra cash for all of Ava's things since she's spoiled rotten haha.

I'm really excited. Go check it out! And if you're nice buy something or refer me pleeeeease!

Sunday, January 2, 2011

2010 Year End Survey

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
Got pregnant and had a baby haha

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions and will you make more for next year? I don't think I actually made one and if I did it was to fully get out of credit card debt which we did and at least be pregnant which we also did.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yep! Me! And a bunch of my May 08 girls

4. Did someone close to you die? Yes Mr. B's Papa.

5. What countries did you visit? Just the US...we traveled a ton the year before and this year the goal was to have a beh beh.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you didn't have in 2010? A promotion/raise. There is a position open now and I'm just waiting to get an interview..fingers crossed. A real family vacation.

7. What dates from 2010 will be etched in your memory and why? March 10th I found out I was pregnant. November 4th my sweet baby was born.

8. What was your biggest achievement of this year? Our baby girl

9. What was your biggest failure? I guess not getting the max on my raise which was B.S.

10. Did you suffer illness of injury? Well I didn't suffer an injury other then my back pains during pregnancy and healing from a section.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Ava's baby furniture and other stuff for her, our xmas presents.

12. Who's behavior merited celebration? My aunt for being so strong during a time of sadness with a marriage ending and family not supporting her.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? My grandparents. Inexcusable.

14. Where did most of your money go?Ava haha...doc visits, delivery, stuff for her...all worth it!

15. What did you get really, really excited about? Ava!

16. What song will always remind you of 2010? Hmm honestly I mainly listened to classical music either on the radio or the baby cd's haha

17. Compared to this time last year, are you skinnier or fatter? richer or poorer? happier or sadder? Skinnier..not only did I lose the 41lbs from pregnancy but I'm down about 4-5lbs from pre-pregnancy weight gooo me! Richer and hopefully I get this promotion and it's even more. Happier! Even with family drama my little family makes me more happy than anything else.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Slept while I had the chance haha jk that doesn't really help anyways. Gone and got massages.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Umm worrying about others drama

20. How did you spend Christmas? Mr. B in law's, and uncle Ben were here to help celebrate Ava's 1st Xmas even though she fell asleep two seconds into opening presents haha

21. Did you fall in love with 2010? Absolutely. With my baby girl and my babies daddy hah

22. What was your favorite TV program?oh geez haha...re-runs ok Golden Girls, Roseanne, Reba, Glee, Greys, Private Practice, Better With You, The Middle, Cougartown, and Modern Family.

23. What was the best book you read? I only read baby books haha

24. What was your greatest musical discovery? a crying baby hah

25. What did you want and get? My baby :) My new wedding band, my two pair of boots, new clothes, mini trip to Florida...

26. What did you want and not get? Family being supportive. Mr. B making lots of money haha

27. What was your favorite film of 2010? Oh man all Xmas movies especially since I was off and got to watch all of them.

28. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you? We went back to Texas De Brazil haha and went to Floria for a few days oh and I got my 3D/4D ultrasound.

29. What one thing would have improved your year immeasurably? Family being supportive of my aunt and not being jerks to me.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept of 2010? haha maternity clothes suck...so I spent most of my time trying to find things that I had that weren't maternity that would work and be cute.

31. What kept you sane? Mr. B, Auntie DC, Auntie Katti, Eden :)

32. What political issue stirred you the most? I really didn't pay that much attention...just the hate ads for the November Election.

33. Who did you miss?All my friends in different states

34. Who was the best new person you met? Umm Ava duh and for the record Auntie Mel still gets lost haha

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.That you can't change how people think or feel no matter how right you maybe and how wrong they will be. That patience truly is a virtue.That if you believe in something keep going...you just may need to change your tactics. That opening your mind to what others are thinking and feeling will make a huge difference in life.That sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do but once you do them you know it's making a difference. That getting out of debt really can solve many issues. That family and friends aren't always who you think they are and that sometimes you just have to put on a happy face even if you don't believe them....That sometimes you will be tested with the way people treat you and it's truly a lesson in how you react...you may not always get it right but as long as you learn from it that's all that matters. That sometimes you must stand up for what you believe in even if it means you will disrespect some, lose others, or be bruised forever. That if your spouse truly isn't one of your best friends you will forever be miserable. That life is too short to settle! Wow I kept all that from the year before...also That sometimes you just need to cut people out of your life even if your spouse or friends don't understand because the wound is too deep.

36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.For what it's worth it was worth all the while...it's something unpredictable but in the end it's right I HOPE YOU HAD THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE!!!Because I know with all of my heart I did...Thank all of you my friends, family, Mr. B, Parle, May 08, Facebook friends, ex-friends, and all of you bloggers who keep me sane everyday when all I want to do is drink 3 bottles of wine and cry myself to sleep.There are so many of you whom I've never even talked to (who you don't even know I follow your blog) that have made a difference in how I think and feel and have taught me how to process things and make a difference in my world.I don't know what I'd do without everyone!I truly hope 2011 is better for everyone even those that I can't stand and will never like or see eye to eye with because everyone deserves happiness.I know I will be happy because I create my own destiny and won't allow anything other then that. Keeping this too!