Apparently I need to seek help. Haha. I find that comical being I'm not ignoring my issues and have done nothing but go full throttle since I lost Grant.
I have allowed every single emotion even the crappy bitterness and unfair moments. And since you know I obviously suck and really need so much help I've been in a ball for months saying whyyyyy me??!!??!
If you knew me in person you'd know I'm being facetious.
Everytime I'd have a jealous or bitter feeling. Or life's not fair why me. I'd left myself feel it for 5 minutes then say nope not today girl. You have far more to get through so keep pushing through.
But when someone is so far removed from your life who thinks a comment like that is appropriate knowing damn well it was a low blow because it was not coming from a place of caring (or else they would have asked how you were one damn time in 3 months) then it hurts to your core.
The group I needed the most really let me down. And it's ok. I've been dealing with let downs my entire life. I have also stood up for those who can't or won't without regret.
And I'll continue to do so because if I see an issue I'm finding a way to address and fix it.
It may take a day, a month, or years but I'll never sit back and wallow in misery.
I will never ever be the same without Grant. Never. I will ALWAYS feel pain.
Oh yes I know I won't be the last to lose a child (thanks dickhead) but HE WAS MY CHILD. And no matter how upset you are with someone you NEVER FUCKING SAY THAT TO A GRIEVING PARENT.
Just shows me what kind of insides that person has.
To make my son proud in Heaven is the only thing worth fighting for when it comes to standing up for those who can't. And I know my son was proud and is proud. Because my character is very important to me.
Just sad that when people don't agree with my thougts and feelings even when really hurt they think and feel it's appropriate to try and sink them with my grief.
You got me yesterday. Sure did. Mr. B was so angry. He saw the raw pain in my eyes.
And for those other people. I bet they walk away forgetting in a few days. I Will carry those hurtful words forever.
But I Will continue on with my love for my son, daughters and amazing husband.
Grief has no end. Plain and simple. And I am a pretty laid back but no non sense person.
Even when I don't agree with someone I don't throw low blows. Because well anyone can do that. Especially if I knew someone was in pain from losing a child.
It makes me really sad. Really really sad.
I do NOT need to deal with shit like that right now.
Because you know I'm over here actually going through the stages of grief. Trying to take one step foward. Thank youfor knocking me 10 steps backward asshole.
It's ok. Today I got up swinging and made up as many steps I could.
I also fixed my issue. It will no longer be one. :)
I am thankful that they have never experienced losing their child. I hope they never have to. Not a silly threat either as some liked to think in their warped head
Doesn't matter if your child is 3 months, 5 years, or 27. Pain is pain.
And I've got a tanker full of it.
But my boat hasn't sunk. Just took in a little water.
My son. I love you more than I can ever express. I know God and Jesus have shown you how full of love my heart is for you.
My baby you'll always be