Friday, August 28, 2009

Do you believe???

I was reading someones blog who I follow religiously :) and she was talking about horoscopes and commented on how close it actually was so I thought I'd give it a go. Thanks to Jinny for showing this site for horoscopes. It really has seemed to be pretty accurate for 09...here you go





For the typical Leo 2009 horoscope present a year of financial stability, when paying all dues is expected. The exception to this rule may be only three months of the 2009 year of the Ox: February, September and November. (Wooo that means some money soon which could be Mr. B's commissions being higher those months)

This is not because the flow of finance will pour down on your side in huge streams, you will simply learn how to competently and efficiently manage your own money. In the 2009 year of the Ox, most of Leo zodiac sign representatives will become more responsible, which also will affect the level of your 2009-year income. There will not be a spasmodic growth this year, but the smooth, uniform and well-deserved increase of your material condition is very likely. The 2009 year of the Ox is a good year to begin to keep track of your expenses, especially if you will feel a lack of money. (this is right on being Mr. B's commissions have been lack luster compared to last year. I've really been managing our money better and paying off more bills)

Generally, in accordance with Leo 2009 horoscope, money and resources will be enough for all the things you need. If the opposite happens, then this is a direct indication that you should consider more serious ways and measures to structure your expenses. (We have everything we need and more so this is very fitting)

Personal relationships during 2009 will receive a new incentive to development. In compliance with your 2009 horoscope, new serious romances await the typical Leos, which will be based not only on passions, and sexual attraction, but on a spiritual relationship. The existing relationships also will be strengthened with many Leos desiring to marry, or get married, and this 2009 year this intention is quite possible to take place. (Well even though I was married last year we celebrated our 1 year this year haha...but as far as relationships I have gained more friends specifically women which is out of character for me)

In sex, you will like to try something new and unusual. This will be especially true for those Leos who are already in a relationship for long. This 2009 year of the Ox, you need to diversify your intimate life, so try all the new ideas, together with your permanent partner. (Not that we're trying anything too different but the beginning of the year while I was still on BC I had no sex drive...and in fact we spent most of 08 in that slump as well...I decided to get off of BC for that reason and it's slowly but surely come back to where we have a healthy sex life now...I don't talk about this much and have never mentioned it here but it's good to see it improving)

Starting from the January 2009 fundamental alterations can begin to occur in your professional work. On the report of 2009 horoscope, during this year, there will be the first signs of this. You may feel dissatisfied with what you are engaged in or with your job. This can make you to worry and you would want to start from the scratch again. This trend now is quite dangerous. Do not ignore the experience you gained so far or make alterations, as they should be without analyzing them. You have a lot of time for alterations and changes and therefore before you change anything, make a deep analysis of what is happening. (this is some great advice because at the beginning of the year I was so ready to walk out and never look back but knowing everyone wanted jobs from being laid off I needed to respect and appreciate what I have so I took a different approach. I began trying to do all the little extra things I could possibly do (albeit not many) but I was awarded at our retreat from my peers which was great. Even though there are days where I dislike this place I have some tenure here and I would like to gain more experience and time here)

So all in all a great read....nothing about babies but hey if I get pregnant in December like the test on Facebook says I wouldn't know technically until 2010 anyways haha so that's what I'm going with!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

In Law's

Oh by the way my In Law' wanted me to open our xmas presents because it'll be screwy when it comes around.

Well they got us a Sony Camcorder! I was shocked. They got one while in Montana because they don't have any taxes and they bought theirs open itemed. But they decided to get us and Uncle Ben one too!!!! How cool

So we started talking and looking into other places and I found a great resort in Cozumel for only like 1800 with airfare the week before Xmas. I think that's what we should do.

I think we should go somewhere the week before because it will be so much cheaper!

And since Xmas is on a Friday I'll probably just take Xmas Eve off or do a half day.

I got the feeling though that Mr. B in law doesn't want to go somewhere too far away in case something happens because he kept saying well is there anywhere in the states you'd like to go...which I'm completely fine with that!

They will get the results back on Monday of the rest of the stuff and see how that goes.

But we also found out that Papa's cancer is back. It's small but he was only in remission for 2 months so that's not good. I think the chemo won't be as invasive this time around but still.

Please think of him.

Da Gym

Ok so I went and right away he starts talking to me about nutrition. He has the 25 25 6 plan which is 25 g of Protein, 25 g of Carbs, and 6 g of Fat.

He didn't push the protein powders too too much and he said for a regular breakfast bar in the morning unlike the other guy.

I think the owner is more realistic as to what women want and what they'll do then the guy that signed me up.

But he was so incredibly busy that he only spent maybe 10-15 minutes of the 1/2 actually with me.

He showed me 4 machines and did give me some tricks and tips on how to use them. He scheduled my next session with him for Tuesday and then I'll have another one after that which then we'll come up with my "plan if you will".

He wanted me to work out for about 15-20 minutes doing cardio but because he dicked around so long I couldn't because my In Law's were coming in and lucky for me they were late because I had just enough time to run to the grocery and tidy up and then they were there.

But he did say that I can come in and work out before our next session which made me happy because the other guy led me to believe I couldn't.

I'm not going tonight because the pants I wore yesterday I realized had tiny holes all over (you couldn't see if you weren't looking) but since I'll be moving my big ass on the elliptical I figured I better find my other work out pants for tomorrow.

He did say no alcohol and I thought "yah right dude...you obviously don't know me" I'm so not giving that up for football season or my drinks with friends well of course I get pregnant.

And I will try and follow his meal plan but 3.5 oz of any kind of meat and only a 1/2 c of carbs for dinner just probably won't cut it for me. But if I'm working out 3-4 times a week and trying to be healthy I think I'll still lose weight.

My small goal is to get under 170 ~honestly I can't believe I even told anyone that~ I'm only 172 so it's not like I'm way over but still. I want under that. And then once that's achieved I want to lose 10 lbs (including the 3 to get me to 169) so that's 162.

And then my next goal will be to lose 3 lbs to be under 160 at 159.

And the final goal will be 4-9 lbs. Anywhere from 150-155. I honestly don't know what I was when we got married. I would like to think I was 155 but heck maybe I was even skinnier and was in the high 140's. But I think I was about 150. Still had a little room for improvement but I was fitting into my size 8's and that's whats most important to me. I have a pair of size 6's that I'm going to keep around forever but honestly if that doesn't happen that'll be ok.

So ultimately I'd say 20lbs is a good solid goal. Yes would I love to be 145 again absolutely. I remember in my hay day when I was working out a lot I was 142. I could never hit 140 but I look back at pictures and think what a hot mama and I think as I get older and things settle differently 145 would be smokin on my body. But I'm not going to think that far.

A lot of this too is that I don't want to hit the 200 mark when I have a child...as in be pregnant not after hopefully not! I figure I'll be one of those girls who gains like 40+ lbs so if I can get in great shape now I can work out still some while pregnant.

Well that's enough ramblings on that!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

More then I thought...

Well Mr. B in law met with the doctor and it seems like everything should be ok...I say that quietly because I have my doubts. They did put him on some new stuff to help out.

Apparently when he had his stroke a couple of years ago they thought it was a minor stroke but in actuality it was a major one and the neurologist was surprised at how well his movements and functions are being he had a major one.

Mr. and Mrs. B in laws will be at our house tonight for dinner and to stay so maybe we'll get more info out of them then.

I have my gym orientation at 5:30 today (I had no clue the in laws were coming until last night) so I won't get to even work out today after all the orientation crap.

I just don't even want to meet with this guy...I just want to go work out for cripes sake...why is that so hard?!

And when I get there I'm going to tell him he has a 1/2 hour and then I have to go and if he tries to pull some BS about it taking longer I'll say listen I'm within my 3 days I'll cancel and go somewhere else because I don't have time to listen to you spit out about protein shakes, and bars, and eating 6 pieces of boiled chicken everyday.

Geez let me get exercising again and then we'll work on that.

Anyways I just don't have patience...this is the type of thing that would lower my confidence and I'd end up not going and I don't want that to happen so damn just let me work out.

Anyways we have finally decided that the women's fantasy draft will be this Saturday which I'm extremely happy about. That way we're only putting Mr. Parle into the kennel just one night and next weekend we'll head to L-Town and we can bring him and then I can go to New Orleans and take lots of great pictures weeeee.....

I haven't really been able to use my camera at all and it's driving me absolutely mad! I can only take so many pictures of clouds in my backyard haha.

Well I wanted to say thanks to Jinny for posting a great video about pregnancy...sort of the trials and tribulations of trying, getting pregnant, losing, or those that are so fortunate to get the gift and throw it away. I'm showing Mr. B tonight because even though he gets it I don't think he quite gets what it will mean to me...and I just think this will really give him that understanding.

Well one of my good friends Auntie Goofy told me that her husband is a go for coming and visiting us!!!!! We'll do the whole Bourbon thing and then do an LSU game...although depending on when they can get here we may have to forgo the LSU game and just watch it down there (Away Game only I mean) haha

I've already done mapped out all of the games we could get extra tickets for, and the airfare before naming their price haha I'm such a goof but I'm really excited.

I mean I've gone to having no visitors (except folks who live close by) to having Auntie Katie and Kellie and having my grandparents all coming to visit in a span of a month later on this fall!

And then to add to that would just be too cool for school...yes I just said that and no don't judge me because I know you're a dork deep down when no one's watching...I just show it is all!

I honestly can't believe that August is almost over. I mean just the other day I was counting down er...dreading my 25th bday and now it's already been 3 weeks since.

One of my sisters turns 19 on Friday. I can't believe she's so grown up either. Although our relationship is pretty much non-existent at this point...all due to her not me. Her mother would pull her in and out of our lives but my father never fought for her.

When she was about 16 we re-connected via Myspace and would talk then she wouldn't and then we would.

I even sent her an 18th bday card and said we'd pay for 1/2 of her airfare to come visit as part as her gift. I barely got a thank you for the card (and it was a really mushy one).

It just frustrates me because don't tell me you really want to have a relationship with me and then don't because now you're an adult and nobodies stopping you.

She changes jobs and ideas so much...I don't even know if she's in cosmetology school anymore...she's a lot like my father in that sense...always scattered brained, always looking to be taken care of, always irresponsible. Her mother spoils her because that's all she has since she focused to much on her children's lives.

I don't know...I just don't like when someone gets emotional with me and then it doesn't mean anything...I am a very emotional person and I know I do wear my heart on my sleeve more so then others but I mean everything I say and I follow through with it...don't offer false promises and feelings...it's stupid.

I really didn't expect to go off on a tangent like that haha but I guess those were feelings I was having and as I've already stated I say them...so deal.

This is going to be one of those really long posts where you readers are like "ok just freaking end this thing already"...if you haven't given up on it yet.

So I will leave for the day....unless something pisses me off and then I'll be back.

Thanks for listening.!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

ugh

I'm so bloated today...like to where I look like I'm 5 months pregnant. I don't get why I'm always a little bloated but why am I so bloated today....how many times did i just say bloated? haha

Anyways I went to the gym yesterday to sign up! I had to wait a while and this little girl who looked 17 but had a 2 year old showed me around.

There were so many tools there. But from my experience no matter what gym I've been to there are always those dudes who just think they're too cool for school.

It will serve the purpose. The guy I met with isn't the owner but he gave me the deal. They wanted a 2 year ummm no. I did a one year since it saved me 10 a month and figured if I really need to get out of it I'll change a bill to our friends house 30 miles away for a month haha.

But here's the deal. The owner does an orientation with you before you actually get to use the equipment. I do appreciate this as far as making sure I understand my body, nutrition, and supplements however I think it's bullshit that I may have to wait 4 or 5days because our schedules just won't work. I want to go work out now. I don't want to know about nutrition and I don't want to know about supplements...I'm not interested in buying protein shakes, powder, or bars. I know my body. If I just worked out 3-4 times as week I'll lose some weight and feel better about myself.

The only thing I can do right away is the classes at 6 everyday. Well no because Mike gets home at 6 and I try and have dinner ready or at least going.

Most days that I work out I won't get home until 6 but at least we'll be eating no later then 6:30 instead of 7.

So I have to call in a few minutes and hopefully he can see me either today or tomorrow...well I didn't bring my gear so tomorrow would probably be better.

And from then on I just want to do the elliptical and weights if no tools are on them and lose my happy ass mmmkay thanks.

Our home computer has a virus...and just before you say "well dumbass you should've had an anti-virus on it" I did...I had that and anti spy ware but this virus is so bad that it goes in and blocks your anti-virus before it has time to run and quarantine...and just so you don't think it's just me Mr. B's cousin had the same thing happen to him. We do know a computer guy so I'm going to have Mr. B take it to him to see if he can fix it for less before I take it to Best Buy or something.

I'm ticked because my ITunes was on there and I really wanted to download another cd or two so I can work out.

oh well.

I got new tennis shoes yesterday! I ran to Kohl's to get Mr. B some new work pants and other crap so I decided to look at shoes. I have a pair of Nike Shox but they are so tight on my feet that my tootsies hurt like a bitch afterwards. I need a wide shoe.

So I saw they were having a sale and picked me up some Adidas for 31 buckaroo's dudes! And they are in wide and comfy as all get out! I'm excited.

I refrained from buying any more work out clothes because I have enough and have t-shirts to wear until I can fit into my workout tops properly again.

Well Mr. B in law had his MRI yesterday and they were able to move up his neurologist appointment to this morning...actually they should be in it right now. So we will know what's going on with him and if they're going to operate or what they'll do.

I'm just tired of waiting to see if it's good or bad...so hopefully I know something soon.

Well that's my exciting news for the week.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Not Happy....

In fact I'm irate.

Last night I started to see signs of AF roaring her ugly ass head...and I just burst into tears. I got it together and was reading my book and then BAM! Burst into tears again...and that happened about 3 times before I called Mr. B and woke him up and proceeded to cry uncontrollably for the next 5 minutes while he did his best to soothe me over the phone...he's a good man I tell you...and a patient one too boot.

This morning definitely shows more signs of her ass so at least I don't have to go take a blood test.

However this means this was a 40day cycle and I'm not pleased with that at all.
But what I will do is tonight enjoy a nice glass of wine because last night I made some really yummy tartines and thought geez a glass would go perfectly but I didn't!

So tonight, and tomorrow, and Saturday I will relax with an adult beverage because I sooo need it after these past 12 stressful days.

And we didn't win the lottery....I mean seriously FML haha I knew we wouldn't win but hey that would make a shitty day turn into the best day of my life...well until I get pregnant and that will be.

Buuut I digress. Now at least I know and I can relax about it until next month! oy vey

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Weekend Wowza.

Well the entire weekend actually wasn't too bad but Friday was crazy.

I decided to partake in drinking and eating sushi because honestly I can't take this anymore and I figured if I stopped stressing and had fun my period would come...but it didn't.

I finally told Auntie Jen in my drunken stupor that 3700 for a week in St. Lucia was a lot on anyone let alone a wedding..she was drunk too so it was ok haha.

Then Uncle Kevin turned into Motor Biker Piker and they got in a fight and we left and he was locked out and that was that.

We went home. Saturday we met up with them to hang for a while and then I zonked Saturday night.

But we noticed I was getting quite a bit of acne on Friday and Saturday and then Sunday too boot! And as I was making breakfast I felt it....yep heaved twice! So after breakfast Mr. B said "I'm going to buy another stinking test" and it came out as the rest...NEGATIVE!

So now I'm like ok why is my body acting like a 12 year old getting acne for the first time and what's up with getting sick.

And nothing today. So I called up my doc and spoke to a nurse who said "well technically it may not show up on a pee stick yet"...haha I just laughed in my head like "is this some funny joke" so she said that I could come in later this week like Friday but they close at Noon...then I got to thinking I don't want to have to wait for the weekend to get the results so I think I'll call and try and get in early Thursday morning so that I can know by Friday.

Then if it is negative maybe they can call in that pill that starts a period so I can get on with my life.

You know before I really did want to be pregnant and I kept telling myself that I wasn't and it was ok...just let the period get here already but Mr. B has surpassed every expectation of mine during this whole waiting game that I really would like to be because he's so excited...well trying not to be.

But at the same time geez I hate that my body is acting this way since this has never ever happened to me.

Anywho's so Mr. B left to go out of town today. He won't be back until Friday. Which is fine but now some jackass who's local met up with his big boss at a show and tried to be cocky when really Mr. B was right...he'd always ask for the cocky guy (part owner) so how would he know to ask for another guy if you never told him??? So don't go tell Mr. B's boss that if you call Mr. B at 11:30 at night when we're sleeping and quiz him on who he should ask for (and if he gets it right he'll buy from us forever) and when he says one guy is gone but then says your name (when you're the freaking owner) that isn't right...that really ticks me off.

You should've told Mr. B long ago listen this is the guy that you should be dealing with...but the kicker is this owner has bought stuff before from Mr. B so fuck what do you want from him??

This little ass was probably drunk and thought it would be a funny joke...well no it wasn't because he started to play God and so help me if Mr. B gets fired from this I will take my ass straight up into his office and let him have it...jackass

Anyways done with that rant.

I really don't have much of anything to say...oh my grandparents bought their airfare for Thanksgiving! I'm super excited and just know that they will break the curse of hosting terrible Tday's...and before you think it's us...it's never us. The past two years two different sets of people have gotten drunk and gotten into huge fights and ruined Tday for us. But I know my grandparents won't do that haha.

Friday, August 14, 2009

So it's final....

I'm running a half marathon with my friend Monie...well that's what I'll call her on here since I don't use anyones real names.

We're just chatting away (she lives in my old town which is about an hour and 20 minutes away) it's a shame because we met here at work after I already moved and then the new center opened in NOLA so she transferred or else we'd do a lot together.

But she had been working out and then kind of tapered off but she's back to it and I said you know now that I know (well 98% know) that I'm not pregnant I need to rev up and get in shape...no more excuses.

And she mentioned a marathon and they happen to have one in Baton Rouge on December 5th. We decided we could run a few minutes and then walk a few which I think is great. I need a buddy to push me and with knowing that I have to have some endurance I need to work out and look forward to my goal.

However December 5th is the SEC Championship game haha luckily that's at night.

I can't be like this anymore! And when I get stuck on something and get my mind made up I do it. I had been coasting and not worrying too much about my body but you know what I won't have an excuse to be chubby so why not do it.

So yahhhh!

Not Looking Back...

ok easier said then done but I have to let this go.
Last night I tested again ....well twice haha and both were negative. I think now AF just won't come because I'm stressing over this.

So last night I told Mr. B "I'm having a fucking glass of wine" and yes I did use the F bomb because I'm tired of this...and I have been sooo moody this week.

And I really enjoyed it.

And Mr. B comforted me by saying that he would've been really excited if I was and he's just worried about his job picking up and we'll continue what we're doing now and if we're not pregnant at the end of the year we'll really start trying with charting and stuff to further know my body etc.

So now I guess we're going to have to do the deed every other day since I have no clue when I'll be ovulating this month...geez it'll be like our first month together (well hey I waited two weeks).

So tonight we're heading to Aunt Jen's work going away party at Kona Grill. And I'm going to have some wine or a beer hah! Take that body...and maybe some sushi.

And then we may go to Buffalo Wild Wings or something similar to watch the Saints play and I will partake in eating junk food and having beer...so take that times two body!

I just can't worry about it anymore because after like 7 tests I'm pretty sure I'm not. haha

So I'm looking forward to my night out with Mr. B and tomorrow I think I'm going to con him into going downtown so I can play around on my camera.

I'd really like to get into photography and start doing it on the side to make some extra cash. Who knows maybe I'll be good enough and established enough that when I do have a child I'll be making enough to not have to work full time and can be sort of a stay at home mommy.

Well next week Mr. B Senior goes to the doctor for his heart/clogged arteries...I really hope all is well with him.

Well now what am I going to do with the other 3.5 hours I need to waste???

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

So sad...

So Mr. B called at lunch to say that they had the lunch break and then when they went back the jury would be selected.

It is a vehicular manslaughter case where a 5 yr old was killed and the 3 yr old is on a feeding tube. The guy that hit the family was apparently on a bunch of drugs.

Mr. B didn't get picked though. They randomly drew numbers and 1-14 stayed I guess to then be asked questions and narrowed down.

That is just so sad and I'm glad that he didn't get that because he'd really be freaked about having kids and what could happen.

So my camera did arrive! Without a signature which was odd..we have an alcove so nobody from the street probably could see if but since we didn't have the option to buy insurance I was worried. But with Mr. B getting back he got it...and I told him not to open it because I wanted to do the honors tee hee!

I'm soooo excited. I am so bored here...really. I think I may dip early

Pissed

There are a few other choice words I could use but this will do.

I tested today and it's still negative...and I'm flat out f'n pissed.
I would either like to get my period or be pregnant. I'm tired of worrying oh geez maybe I should go to the bathroom because I just started and then realize nope.

I now have lower back pain and that's not a symptom for me for AF. It started last night at about 9 while I was reading my book in bed and didn't stop until about 1am. I had to prop a pillow at a strange angle to get some relief. Then this morning at about 8:30 and it's still going on.

Whatever I'm not stressing over it...I'm just getting pissed now.

I haven't told Mr. B because I don't want him worrying but I'm telling him tonight because who knows whats going on with me.

I'll wait to test on Saturday (which will be torture) and then if nothing on either end I'll call my doc on Monday to see what she thinks is going on.

I'm now more worried something is seriously wrong.

Oh well I get my camera today well I bet I don't because it's FedEx and it was out for delivery already and I know they'll require a signature so I'll have to pick it up tomorrow.

Mr. B is back for Jury Duty and since I haven't heard from him I'm assuming he's in the process of being picked....although the judge didn't actually show until 10am yesterday. So we'll see.

Maybe he'll be home in time to sign for it. Otherwise at least the FedEx place is close to my work so I can pick it up tomorrow and since my system will be down for most the day tomorrow I can fiddle with it..... :)

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Can't wait...

for tomorrow...I mean will it ever get here?!

I want to test in the morning so it's my morning pee (yah sorry) and I'm hoping that it'll give me some kind of inclination as to what's happening. I am buying those Dollar Tree tests and even though I know they're good to use I wonder if it's just not as sensitive to pick up whatever that formula if you will is haha

Can you tell I need to research. It's so funny because for the past three months I've had no issue with going and buying a name brand like EPT or Clear Blue and now that I'm actually late and would warrant such a thing I'm being stingy and going to the Dollar Tree....that is totally my personality. haha

Mr. B had Jury Duty today. He went for an hour and they recessed the folks because of some issue but they have to call back tonight because they may have to go in tomorrow and then there would be a jury selection tomorrow. So he was done by 10am. Had lunch with me and now he's actually off to the grocery to get a few ingredients for tonight's dinner and gasp! He's actually going to put it in the crock pot and set it!

We are making strides here my friends.

I had a Philly cheese steak and I officially need a nap.

Anyways last night I was so freaking tired. I told Mr. B no turning on the TV tonight because I need sleep. Well he made fun of my "Yankee accent" which really pissed me off. We have a rule where we don't say F you or F off...I told him I'd rather him say that to me then make fun of my accent because that's making fun of who I am and my family and I don't do that to his family. Well apparently he got his undies in a bunch because he didn't come to bed. He slept in the guest bedroom which honestly was awesome! I got the big bed all to myself, NO SNORING, but I still knew he was home so I felt safe. Now granted I wouldn't like for this to happen all of the time but for him to sleep in the other room once in a while would be fantastic...(because usually at least once a week when he's home I have to because of his snoring).

I still didn't want to get up this morning. Maybe that's due to me being super tired because I have a beh beh in my belly...but we don't know that and it could just be me watching Roseanne and the Golden Girls too much late at night.

Any who I guess I should try and find something to do at work until my meeting later this evening.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Let's Talk

about this wonderful thing called a period...and when a period doesn't show up when it's supposed to that's supposed to be a BFP or Big Fat Positive for all of you folks who don't know the lingo haha.

So I was due to start AF (aunt flo) on Saturday. I'm seriously like clock work. Every single 28th day she come's. And she didn't. And I secretly got excited but thought eh tomorrow's a new day.

And Sunday came....and went with no AF.

And then today I took a test and it was negative. Now I had already had my morning pee and I did drink some water and the test was from the Dollar Tree so maybe just maybe I diluted it and the test wasn't strong enough. That's what I'm really hoping for.

I have never been late in my life so this is just so strange to me. But after talking with some women they tested and it was negative and it was about a week later they finally got a positive. So I won't stress (and no I haven't been stressed at all lately).

Le sigh....vibes my way.


And I feel terrible even writing about this because I know we well Mr. B goes back and forth about children and I know he will be super happy but he's scared but I hate talking about it knowing that some girls have been trying for a while. But I guess me being concerned and not jumping for joy when you have a terrible marriage is probably already appreciated.

Anyways here's to hoping I can hold off and wait until Wednesday.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Buyer's Remorse/Bday Present

Ok well I love to spend money but I hate it...I've always been that way. Part of it is because one side of my family has money and they blow it and the other well....some months we prayed the electricity would stay on.





So I tend to be really frugal with my money in certain categories and then blow it in others.





I have really wanted a Wii because I wanted to get back into shape but I also really wanted an SLR. I really would like to get good enough to start shooting. And no I don't think I'll have a full fledge photography business out of a building or anything but I would like to be able to take on a few clients for little things and if it goes well expand from there.





And I searched and searched and found the best deal possible just for the camera...and you all know my love for Best Buy. But they were like 150 more then this online company even though I wanted to buy from there since I get triple reward zone points on something for my birthday but that still won't equal 150 bucks.





So I did it. And I immediately felt sick to my stomach and then Mr. B starts in on I couldn't find that many reviews on the company bla bla bla...listen I don't need this. I already have anxiety over it geesh.





Now I'm on Amazon trying to find cheap but good accessories.


Anyways without further ado here is my new baby....



The Canon Rebel XSi.....yah I'm a little wet bwahaha.

This will tide me over for a couple of weeks at least :)

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Birthday Blues

Well I was never one to say well I want a child by such and such time...but a couple of months ago it really hit me that I'd like a child and I would LOVE to give birth before my 26th birthday.

There was a slight chance I could be pregnant this month and what better birthday gift then to be pregnant! So I ran to the Dollar Tree and took a test in my work bathroom haha klassy with a k I tell you.

And no go...since I was sick on Saturday Aunt Ash was allllll about saying how she had a good feeling and kept asking me.

I'm devastated I'm not going to lie...I really really am. I normally don't talk to Mr. B about this kind of stuff because sometimes he's all in and sometimes he's just not. I text him not to worry and he said don't worry about me and he had a confusing text about baby and one...but he meant one day.

He will be 33 this October and I keep thinking the longer we wait to really really try and what if we have issues and then it's a couple of years and he's 37 or 38 by the time we have a first...I just don't want that.

I really wasn't even thinking about this (which was amazing) up until Saturday and then I kind of pushed it in the back of my head but I must have really been thinking of it subconsciously because I'm sad...and now I get cramps 5 days before my period?? wtf... and yes the test may have said negative because it's still 5 days away but I doubt it.


anyways moving on....
I'm 25 today. I seriously can't believe I'm this old. I know older folks say "hmmppfff that's nothing" but that's a quarter of a century folks...and everyone says it just flies once you hit 25. I've felt the past 5 years fly by really.

I met Mr. B at 21, engaged at 22, married at 23, and now I'm 25....

I knew I was having a little crisis in my head with this but I think with the negative it's just not good.

I'm really hoping that my boss remembers it's my bday and let's me leave early like she did last year.

I know the folks here are getting pizza and I could see a homemade cake...but if she told me to leave early I wanted to like get the f out of here and go home and take a nap and cry a little (hopefully just kidding on that one) and go to lunch with Mr. B but I'll have to stay here for that at least.

Well I'm grateful they're doing that for me...they didn't have to by any means. Geez I'm an ungrateful brat today.