It's Been Awhile

Still here...still sad...still in pain. 

It's sort of the same thing. I'll have a decent day or two and then get knocked down again. 

It's getting harder in some ways. 

Today I had some hard things. I know people really do care but sometimes they don't think of their actions and it really kills me. 

The girls are smart. I know I am doing my job because they get life. Unfortunately for me that means playing on my emotions. 

Sometimes when A 2.0 isn't getting her way and starts to cry she'll say "I'm crying because I miss my baby brother". 

Now there's no doubt she misses him. But she just turned 3. I know she does that to get her way. 

But today was soul crushing. 

A would not lay down to nap. After asking her 6 times I finally said A I'll have to give you a spanken if you don't stop because you're kicking us. 

Without missing a beat she says...

"Grant would not like that if you did that". 

Wow

Gut fucking punch

I couldn't believe that 

I firmly told her we would not be doing that anymore. That it is not right to talk about Grant like that. 

It really hurt.