Gaping hole

I just miss you so much. It's funny I read something yesterday that said "there's not a DAY that goes by that I don't think about you"

Wow would I love that. To only feel utter and complete sadness, anguish, misery, heartbreak, bitterness, jealousy for only one moment of the day. 

If I have gone more than 3-4 minutes without thinking about you and remembering the day I found out and the day we delivered you that is that is a good day. 

Now not all of the moments I'm thinking about you are sad. I know how amazing and precious you are. But then that DOES make me sad because you're not here. 

I should be having strangers say "whoa due any minute right?" And me saying "oh no still two months to go". 

What I'd give to be completely miserable in this summer heat just to have you. 

I got a hold of a lady who retouches stillborn pictures for free. She did two for us. 

It was so strange seeing you different but you definitely had your daddies nose. 

I miss you with every aching part of my body my wonderful son. 

I know you know that. I know you feel this. I know you don't want me to be sad but how can I not be?  The greatest gift and miracle that was to complete me and our family is not here physically. 

My baby you'll always be