Written on April 21st

I miss your kicks

I miss the BH contractions

I miss the feeling of not being able to breathe

I miss rubbing my belly and smiling

I miss talking to you

I miss day dreaming of our future with you

I miss Ali kissing my belly saying Hi baby

I miss Ava saying Baby Grant

I'm so sad about Halloween and Tday and our first christmas together

I'm sad those polos I got you to match daddy won't be worn

I pictured you in my arms with my thick dark black hair

I pictured you bigger than your sisters

I pictured your gas smiles while sleeping

I pictured your eyes fluttering during REM sleeping

I pictured you sitting with daddy watching football this football season

I pictured having a good mothers day

I pictured having the best bday present ever

I pictured smelling your breath right away just like I did with your sisters

I pictured nursing you

I pictured you sleeping on my chest

I pictured your sisters being in love with you

All of that can not be but we will always love you. 

You were our first born son

You were our third child

You will always be talked about. Never ashamed. 

Your sisters and possible future sibling will know you too. When people ask how many children I have I will proudly say 3. 2 loving girls and one boy born sleeping. Because you were real. 

You were ours. 

My baby you'll always be