Instead today was exactly 4 weeks since I was told the most horrific news of my life.
It honestly just doesn't seem real to me.
I am very well aware that I am bo longer pregnant.
Down only 15+ pounds I'm left very thick due to not breast feeding and eating properly.
I'm left with breasts that still have milk to nourish a baby that is no longer.
I look at all of the bereavement cards, the flowers, the urn.
But sometimes it really does feel like a bad dream.
I had a dream last night that I just HAD to get cracklin.
That's one of the only things that would sometimes settle my stomach for an hour or so. And in my dream I was still pregnant with Grant.
Talk about a waking living nightmare.
I found a few songs that were soecifically written about stillborns. I had a little cry but for the most part was just really happy that those songs exist.
One being from Daughtry. It's great to see a popular group address it.
I wish there wasn't a need for such songs but glad they exist.
We'll keep plugging along. One foot infront of the other.
I have heard some say you need to MOVE ON.
There is no such thing.
I will try and MOVE FORWARD. But NEVER MOVE ON.
Grant the Great I don't even know how to describe my sadness, pain, heartbreak, and yearning to hold you and love on you.
But I know you do know. Because God showed you and you see because I know you're here with me.
And one day we will physicslly embrace and I'll never let you go my sweet son. Never.
My baby you'll always be
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