Birthday Blues

Well I was never one to say well I want a child by such and such time...but a couple of months ago it really hit me that I'd like a child and I would LOVE to give birth before my 26th birthday.

There was a slight chance I could be pregnant this month and what better birthday gift then to be pregnant! So I ran to the Dollar Tree and took a test in my work bathroom haha klassy with a k I tell you.

And no go...since I was sick on Saturday Aunt Ash was allllll about saying how she had a good feeling and kept asking me.

I'm devastated I'm not going to lie...I really really am. I normally don't talk to Mr. B about this kind of stuff because sometimes he's all in and sometimes he's just not. I text him not to worry and he said don't worry about me and he had a confusing text about baby and one...but he meant one day.

He will be 33 this October and I keep thinking the longer we wait to really really try and what if we have issues and then it's a couple of years and he's 37 or 38 by the time we have a first...I just don't want that.

I really wasn't even thinking about this (which was amazing) up until Saturday and then I kind of pushed it in the back of my head but I must have really been thinking of it subconsciously because I'm sad...and now I get cramps 5 days before my period?? wtf... and yes the test may have said negative because it's still 5 days away but I doubt it.


anyways moving on....
I'm 25 today. I seriously can't believe I'm this old. I know older folks say "hmmppfff that's nothing" but that's a quarter of a century folks...and everyone says it just flies once you hit 25. I've felt the past 5 years fly by really.

I met Mr. B at 21, engaged at 22, married at 23, and now I'm 25....

I knew I was having a little crisis in my head with this but I think with the negative it's just not good.

I'm really hoping that my boss remembers it's my bday and let's me leave early like she did last year.

I know the folks here are getting pizza and I could see a homemade cake...but if she told me to leave early I wanted to like get the f out of here and go home and take a nap and cry a little (hopefully just kidding on that one) and go to lunch with Mr. B but I'll have to stay here for that at least.

Well I'm grateful they're doing that for me...they didn't have to by any means. Geez I'm an ungrateful brat today.