30 Day Challenge- Day 3

What I'm Most Proud Of:

I'd have to say breaking the cycle. The way I grew up was a very tumultuous, great, and hellacious time.

My mother was a great mother from birth to about 4.5 years old. Keep in mind she was 17 and my father was 20 when they had me.

They made it about a year or so I guess and then my mother got with a man that she later had 3 children with. From about 4.5-9ish she was under his control and he was scary...very very violent. And so I just kind of pushed out most of those years.

But then she got with my step dad and he was great. But she wasn't. They both would drink together and occasionally smoke pot but she was changing as a person. She would always stay in bed and she was so moody and so mean.

So many times I got my head thrown into the wall or a brush whipped at me from across the room...sometimes I would get the most severe beatings (and when I say beatings I don't mean spankings) for things I didn't do. I was forced to raise my brothers and sister while she slept in...I would get them up, make breakfast, walk them to their classes, and walk them home, get them a snack, and help with homework.

I now look back and see she was in a serious depression. But then one day she'd be perfect and want to go to lunch and do mother daughter things.

As I grew up she got into serious drugs and would leave for days on drinking/drug binges and leave my step father (who none of the 4 kids were his) to raise us...which he did. I know he was in pain. It just got the point where she was a monster and when I was 17 we got in fight and she left me with a black eye and a busted lip. I left and then went on to college. When I couldn't afford college anymore I had to move back and she was never there.

At one point she just moved out with a different MAN folks for months and would try and come back and I would call the cops on her. She broke in one day and took a lot of stuff. But she was a mess. She gave my step father a STD and said I was dead to her and even said we were having an affair....sick honestly.

I gave my step father to eventually file for divorce after I had moved out and I'm glad he did. I haven't spoken with her since my great grandmothers funeral where she asked when I'd come and see her...I told her this wasn't he place nor time and left it at that.

I now look back and honestly think that my mother suffers from Bi-Polar Disorder which generally also includes severe depression.

There's a lot more to the story but you get the gist on the life I lived and I'm honestly so proud of who I am today. Sometimes I catch myself yelling like her and it scares me and then I just stop...I'll walk away because I don't want to be like her at all.

I know there will be times where Ava will test me but I will love her and let her know that I do.

I am so much stronger now because of it and often more times then not people say I don't act like a 25 year old because I had to deal with a lot of stuff. I haven't even touched on my dad with him not being there but me having to pretend things were ok at my grandparents when he'd come around....it wasn't cool but I know Mr. B and I will make things right and I waited until I got married and was financially stable and wanted a child which was breaking the cycle.

And for that is what I'm most proud of. The fact that I make more then my parents do with no degree, that Mr. B and I own a very nice home we can afford, that we have a lot in savings in case something happens, that we can still take trips and enjoy life, that Ava won't have everything she wants because she'll have to work for things but she'll have what she needs which is something I can't say I grew up with....that's what I'm proud of.

Ok enough of being a debbie downer haha